So for the past 3 weeks I’ve had a deep dark depression set in. I’ve been doing a series of Cranio Sacral Therapy – Deep Body Mind & Relaxation. Through a combination of pressure and touch, a practitioner can release physical, mental and emotional blockages.
In my last session, my therapist said my body was fighting against losing control, terrified to let go and be overwhelmed by emotion. So she helped to let the emotion in. And boy did the flood gates open. I felt like the life was sucked out of me, isolated, alone, sad, angry and loads of pain. The things that I’m passionate about in life just didn’t fulfil me.
I didn’t try to fight it, I knew I had to experience it, feel the pain, acknowledge it. My therapist even suggested I see her twice a week, it really felt bad. I did however find out about a Seeking Motherhood course which I’ve enrolled in. A 2 day workshop dealing with the stresses of infertility and anxieties of pregnancy. It gave me some hope.
On Monday I had a break through, a friend reached out and said “you’ve been really quiet and are you ok?” I explained to her the best I could. There was something deeply uplifting having her try to understand, and say wow, we’ve been terrible friends, sending all these baby photo’s around is so insensitive. (on our group whatsapp chat). I’m not trying to make this a “me, me, me” story, I can’t expect them to walk on egg shells, but for someone to just get it for a second, makes you feel less alone.
It really did change my day. I saw an inspirational quote on my computer I’d saved, “She is clothed in strength and Dignity and laughs without fear of the future” I printed it out and stuck it on my wall behind my desk. Soon I had printed a whole wall full of slogans. “This too shall pass”, The longer you wait for the future, the shorter it will be, ” Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined” and so on! I feel empowered by my inspiration wall!
I feel like I see a flicker of light again, a sense of peace, it will happen!
P.S. I have my amazing husband to thank, for helping me and encouraging me through it all!